Coming Out

I have a confession to make. IMG_5353

This past weekend I stepped out of my comfort zone. Want to know what I did? It really isn’t very interesting, but for me it felt like a very large step in a direction  I have been being pushed into.

(Yes, pushed. Kinda like being told that you have to swim when you don’t really know how.)

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This weekend, I walked up to a red-brick building edged with snowball hydrangea bushes, my eyes wide and my heart a little nervous. The scurry of all the people around me only made me wonder why I was there; I felt unworthy really. I decided I would be a passive listener – and that is exactly what I did. I doodled what I thought was important to me during each session of the day:

These are the things that will stick.
Now, you can zoom in and notice all my imperfections – you can really see up close that I’m no expert or artist. You can scrutinize my words on this blog and find faulty sentence flow. I know you can – like I said, I don’t really know how to swim. I lack confidence. But I am going to try.

At the Northwestern Writer’s Conference (Yes! THAT is my confession – I boldly went –  Eeeeee!!) and was reminded to try. I was encouraged that in the Body of Christ we all are different. We are all imperfect. We are all unique.
Yet
(glorious, yet)
GOD works in and through each of us to touch others – maybe even just one person – in ways that no one personality or even a few could. NONE of us should sit on the edge of the dock in fear thinking we aren’t good enough, or that I don’t swim like the person on my right, or I should wait until I have it more together. (Ha! That would be never for me.)

“For it is God who works in you both to desire and to do of His good pleasure.”

SO that is all. Be bold. Be you…..IN Him. He IS safe – jump in and swim!

 

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What make you unique? What is it that others have told you you should do because it shines out of you? What makes you light up when the subject comes up?

I’d love to hear about it. And this newbie would also love any writing advice.

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My Child’s Hand

 

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“Fear not for I have redeemed you, I have called you by my name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you…”♥

I know you can relate. We all have had those unexpected pauses in life where time stands still and circumstances hit our minds like an unbearable weight.
A death, a loss, a health crisis, a financial strain – any of these and more – can make the boat of our lives feel like it is about to sink……and then, like a dense fog……

Fear sets in and it is even hard to pray.
We cower and become restless and yet, through all the confusion,

He calls.

“He knows our frame that we are but dust.”♥ He understands our weakness; and hence, our great

I AM,

reminds us that He is always with us IN our vessel IN our darkest moments.

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A heavy moment like this hit my life in what started out to be a normal summer morning in 2001. (That morning was actually the mere beginning of a long difficult road.)  I just had put my baby girl down for a nap and had started to read my morning e-mails, when I noticed that my left eye was feeling unusually heavy or “tired”.
The strange feeling only became more intense so I got up and looked in the mirror. I noticed my eye lid was barely closing when I blinked – and not only that, but the corner of my mouth was also starting to droop and not obey my commands.

Within a span of 30 minutes I had lost all the function on the left side of my face. A fear like nothing I had experienced before gripped my life. This fear was intense because I have always been a very design-oriented person. I am artistic and love to find beauty in things. Now, the balance of my own face was gone, my beauty felt like it was leaving me, and more deeply, who I actually was changed before my eyes.
My inner core was earth-shaken.
I called out to my husband who was just putting my toddler into his high chair for breakfast. Tearfully, I showed him my condition and we started to pray.
I was terrified.…

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We stood in front of my little boy in his high chair and bowed our heads; but my mind was too full,  I could not concentrate.
I closed my eyes anyway and to steady my body I rested my hand on the high chair. Almost immediately I felt a marked contrast to my razor-sharp thoughts: a very soft, soothing,  hand gently swept underneath mine.

My little blonde chubby boy was scooping up my hand.
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I will never forget that moment.
That tender sensation on my skin was just the opposite of the harshness that was racing in my head, and the contrast caused me to pause……….…

as though my rocking boat was instantly steadied, and Jesus was saying directly in my ear:

 

” Fear thou not for I AM with thee.”♥

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I often feel a lot like the disciples in the wave tossed boat when Jesus was WITH them in the vessel, asleep.♥ Can you relate? The water rises and the winds pick up and my gaze quickly becomes consumed in the details when really, only “one thing is needful”♥  – for me to repose beside Him……

at rest
because
HE is with me.

I am still learning this. I am learning that He is enough. I am learning that no circumstance frightens Him, and that He commands those winds and waves.

I am learning to be There more – tossed but at peace, captivated with Him.

I would love to hear how you are learning this too.

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“Your voice is powerful
And Your words are radiant bright
In Your breath and shadow
I will come close and abide
You whisper love and life divine
And Your fellowship is free
Draw us closer oh my Lord
Draw me closer Lord to Thee”
~ From the song “Captivate Us”

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♥References: Is. 43:1,2;  Psalm 103:14;  Is. 41:10;  Matt. 8:23-27; Luke 10: 40-42